State of the Fleet:  New Year’s Edition

It has been a long, long while since I’ve updated here (don’t count the book tag, that’s even been sitting for months) and while a lot hasn’t actually happened, a lot has happened.  (If you follow me on twitter, you’ve probably seen most of this news already.)

The Bad

I’ve been trying to get a diagnosis for my rheumatoid arthritis, only to discover doctors really hate the idea of patients understanding their own symptoms.  I could read of a list of what my symptoms are, point by point, and they’d still lecture me on “googling symptoms” and “well, the blood tests don’t show”.  Fun Fact:  A lot of RA patients don’t show positive blood work, and a sudden positive tends to mean it’s become more severe.  So I guess I’ll just wait until my hands start warping and I can’t walk at all before a doctor might deign to believe me!

This has not been a good year for me and doctors.

I called for an occupational therapist (whose literal job is helping people cope in daily lives in minimal pain) only to be told that’s not what I need.  Fun Fact:  The Kaiser website gives the same definition as in my parenthetical.  So, the doctors don’t read their own site, apparently.

I saw a mental health therapist for the first time in months (a new one because my last never listened to me) only to be not listened to again.  Apparently I put off “unblinking idiot” vibes or something.

Pals, a question:  Have your therapists been all social workers, or a different degree?
I am still unemployed and my Autocorrect just tried to play me there and unable to sell anything to raise money.  This has added to my stress and pain as I’ve scrounged for what money I can get to pay bills, and has overall been terrible.  If anyone can spread word or knows someone who wants something (commission, craft, random things I’m selling), please send them HERE.

My computer has started blue screening on me and I have this terrible fear it will die this year, which means I need to start backing things up and making lists of what programs I have.  I am not pleased with this development.

Friends:  I am in pain all the time.  I cannot stand for long.  Walking takes so much out of me.  I’m losing concentration, I can’t focus, I can’t write hardly at all.  I spend most of my time sleeping, and even that’s not good because I’m in so much pain I can’t rest.  I keep saying how if I was a person to cry I would, but the truth is I’ve gone long past the point of crying.  I’ve taken to rewatching things I’ve all but memorized because when my focus goes, I at least don’t kick myself for getting distracted.  This year has been too much.

And some motherfucker hit my damn car!

Literally, 4 days before my license test, some dipshit hit my door in so far, the window can’t go down.  Not a big problem?  It wouldn’t be if the test didn’t require my fucking window to go down.  So, once again, I’m stuck with no license and no idea when my door will get fixed.

I’ve been losing weight this past year and it’s been very troubling.  I’ve been in the same diet I was in college, namely, not eating anything for almost a day.  Between the pain and the… well, to be honest, most of my problems would lessen without the pain, so we’ll just say because of the pain, it’s been hard for me to get up and get food.  I’ve had no appetite, and frequently only eat once I’m getting dizzy and shaky.  Not good.

And, of course, there was the shitstain that was 2016 overall, so….

That pretty much wraps up the bad, so onward to

The Good

I won’t lie.  I can’t remember much of anything that happened last year before about December, so here’s barely-there highlights from what I think was this last year.

I went on a date!  With a super cute girl who is awesome and who thinks I’m beautiful which is hilarious.  😘

I found some very good people and blogs in the RA community, the Health At Every Size community, and the Death Positive community.  They have been immensely helpful to me in coping with my pain and symptoms, motivating me to improve my eating ability and strength — mentally, I’ve reached such a better place with food, even if it is a daily struggle — and given me a place of understanding and kinship over something I genuinely thought nobody else understood.
I’ve been listening to a lot of good artists and really branching out in my musical tastes, which has been very exciting.

I didn’t write much this year, but–  Wait a minute.  I wrote and published at least two fics, started easily 25 more, made tons of notes for potential original work, wrote a story a day for half of May, started actually using this blog, did book reviews and sales posts, talked a lot about stories I’d like to see and see done differently, and actually started on a new Batfic in the last few days of the year.

I’ve written a shit ton.  I just haven’t finished our posted most of it.  Wow.

I’ve been very active on twitter, making some new friends and talking a lot with old friends.  While I still tend to isolate myself and feel isolated, I’ve been better about it this year, I think.

I read 217 books and short stories this year.  Never again.  My eyes dazzle.

I cut a lot of negativity out of my life, from unfollowing and blocking people, to making sure my Tumblr Savior is hella updated, I am prepared.

And, of course, I got a kitty!  Chatty was left all alone in our back patio after his mom and siblings disappeared, so I talked to him when he meowed and eventually got him into the house.  He’s now 8 months old and is a giant, omg.  But he’s very sweet, even if he does go wild sometimes.

The Odd

I joined up NaNo and didn’t write a damn word.  Where’s my badge?

I now own enough nail polish to poison someone, yet it’s still not enough motivation to start wearing any.

I have so many snacks to eat.  So many.

The new Pokémon games aren’t really that deep.  That said, I’m still convinced the player character is just a Ditto in disguise.

We didn’t go to Vegas this year.  This has been surprisingly upsetting.  I dream slot machines.

I have enough journals to decorate a small portion of my wall.

I have enough posters to wallpaper my walls.

I bought short boxes, and I still need more.

I bought so many good books!  I ran out of shelf space 5 months ago.

Looking for a good tattoo artist around me is really fucking difficult.

I really want to get a bachelor’s in mortuary science.

The Star Wars Holiday Special is my favorite Star Wars movie, hands down.

Whizzo the clown’s catchphrase is possibly the motto of my generation:  “Well, now I’ve got that to worry about.”

I’ve got all these online classes signed up for and not a single bit of energy to do them.  :/

A small cat is like a small child, except you can lock it in the bathroom when you’re angry at it and nobody says a word.

That’s about it for now, folks.  I’ll be back later with a post of resolutions, because this looks long enough as it is.

About Fleet Sparrow

Writer, Reader, Critic, Bear.
This entry was posted in Commission Examples, Fleet Gets Personal, Fleet Status Report, Living with Disabilities, What Health and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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